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As I raise my kids and share with them their sisters in heaven, I can’t help but wonder how they will look back on their upbringing. Did I ruin them by sharing too much or perhaps, not enough? My hope is to always be honest, to share truth and to glorify God. Read Molly’s story and hear how her mother, Dot, shared the sorrow of losing her oldest daughter and how she shepherds her other children's hearts to remember their sister and trust in God’s plan.
"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit."
- Psalms 34:18
For as long as I can remember I’ve heard stories from my mom about my oldest sister, Nicole. Sadly I never knew her so I have no memories of my own. Nicole passed away when she was two months old from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Nicole’s passing was never a secret in our family, my four siblings and I grew up knowing and talking about her. My mom had her photo hanging on the wall right in the middle of our school pictures each year with a little angel hanging from the frame. I fondly thought of her as my angel big sis who watched over us from heaven.
Unfortunately, Nicole wasn’t the only loss my mom endured, she suffered two devastating miscarriages. I grew up hearing stories from my mom about her losses through miscarriage and SIDS, they were common topics in our home. When I would question why God would take those babies from her, she would say, “He needed them in heaven.” As a child it was hard to understand loss, but I always understood my mom’s faith and strength came from God. She is a strong woman of faith and taught me to love Jesus and trust in God’s plan.
My mom taught me that it was okay to talk about our losses, to keep their memory alive through stories and “what might’ve been”. I never thought I would know what that kind of loss felt like until I suffered my own miscarriage last year on October 22. My life changed as my heart broke. My husband and I went for a routine sonogram only to be told that our sweet baby’s heart had stopped beating. Shock, disbelief, and confusion describe just some of the feelings I was experiencing. I was the 1 in 4, a statistic that isn’t talked about enough. I immediately called my mom, knowing she would be the one to comfort me through this difficulty.
The next morning, after the D&C procedure, I was overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and shame, searching for answers. Was it something I did? Why me God? What did I do to deserve this? These questions filled me with even more sadness and confusion. When my mom came and stayed with me after the surgery I shared all of my questions and doubts with her, asking her why God’s plan took this path. She reassured me that now was the time to turn toward God instead of away. I took my sweet mom’s advice and turned toward God.
As a result of the miscarriage my husband and I are closer, our faith stronger, and even though we may never know the answers I continue to put my trust in Him. God ordains different seasons for each of us and through these seasons He shapes us into the people He can use today. Be willing to thank Him for whatever season you are in right now, it’s exactly where you are meant to be.